my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
