yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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