I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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