apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
