Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
