marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
time to smoke my breakfast
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
