She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
