PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
