I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize