Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
