hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
