No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize