Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just invented taco cereal.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
