wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize