Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
