you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
