i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
