If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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