The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
