I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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