imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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