If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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