i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
