If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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