How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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