i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
