based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
