It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
