Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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