The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize