Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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