Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
