Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
