that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
