he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Holy sore nipples Batman
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
