just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize