my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize