having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize