you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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