I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
