You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
