he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
