please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
