Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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