my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
send nudes
from the living room?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
