I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
