Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
