She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
