just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
