The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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