12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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