Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
