Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
