just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
