My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
