I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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