Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
