All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
