; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
