Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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