How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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