I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
