how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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