I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
