i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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