dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
