i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How external is "for external use only"?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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