she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
