I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
