thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
