I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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