I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
