So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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