If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
