I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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