I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
