There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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