im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
