Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
