I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
