you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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