if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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