I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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