She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
