one word: firstdatebathroomanal
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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