Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
