Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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