Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
